I understand what it is to be fat. I understand what it is to look at the world and feel that some things do not apply to you or to be constantly dissatisfied with your body and yourself. I have been fat since I was 8 and I know some people object to the term "fat" but it is what it is. But to appease we might say overweight. By the time I was 8 I looked 14 by 14 I looked 20. I remember when I first went to boarding school and seniors were asking first years their age and I told mine which was 10 at the time and I almost got flogged because they were sure I was lying. I have always looked older than my age and I kinda got used to it even revelled in it as i started to behave more how i looked than how old i was and people respected me more because of that. It was nice some of the time but at other times I just wanted to goof around and act your age but then i had already been set in my ways and was expected to be mature even when my mates were in their stupid stages and permitted for it. 

I am ranting because I watched a movie today that took me back to all the insecurities i fought to destroy within myself and even though i am sorta disgusted at how "fat girls " are being portrayed in movies i realise that to a very large extent that is how most fat girls feel. The feel they are undeserving of hunky men or great positions or attention and that affects their relationships and practically their whole life. It did to me at a time and i got over it mainly because i just had to. I have a loving family whose form of counselling or consolations is usually to stroke you constantly. If you ever read this and you are not Nigerian it means to tease. Therefore i had to grow a tough hide and just learn to appreciate me for me or else die(literally). 

Fat doesn't define you and honestly if it affects you so much then you should do something about it. I always had this notion that I wanted The Guy to meet me fat and love me for me and not because I was oh so awesome (courtesy of too many romance novels) but I understand now that we do not live in our ideal world. If we did I would be rich and famous and jetting around the world with a tall glass of fine hunky water right there with me (if you know what I mean**wink). Unfortunately this is not a mills and boon or harlequin novel where everything ends perfectly for everyone. I have learned that sometimes you just need to get off your ass and do something about the things you do not like in your life and stop waiting for someone or something to give you a break. What defines you is you and what you make of the cards that have been handed to you.

If you do not like the you you are today then get off your ass and do something now, today, this minute. So like Nola in this wonderfully cliche movie I am gonna take a Cinderella Pact today to change the things i do not like about myself. Who's with me?